Begin YOUR Battle Today

You would never believe it to look at me now, but just over two years ago, I was running seven, eight, or nine miles almost everyday without stopping to breathe. I was in the best shape of my life.  Now I am back where I started, and I am so angry at myself. However, there is nothing I can do - except start from the bottom and work my way back up. One.step.at.a.time.

I worked out today. I did Total Cardio Fix from 21 Day Fix, and then I pushed pause before the cool down, jumped on my treadmill and ran for half an hour. It takes me longer to run two miles now, than I was running a 5k two years ago. I have to slow my treadmill every so often and walk so I can catch up on my breathing. But that is okay, because this morning I beat my natural man. The natural man that tells me I need to eat all the candy in the house in one day. The natural man that tells me I am sad, so I need to make millions of pies. The natural man that tells me I'm not good enough to be healthy.

But I am. Because today, this morning, this workout, I WON. I am fighting more than just my inner devils. I have PCOS, I have bad asthma, I have a bad knee and shoulder, I commute an hour and 15 minutes everyday, I work full-time. I have a major sweet tooth. And I am better than my excuses. I am stronger because of them. It helps to know that I have done it before. I have been in the place I am reaching for. I know it exists. I want YOU to know that it exists. That place is there for you, too. If you have to lower yourself further into your hips and bend your knees a little more, and lean forward just to run for one more minute, DO IT. If you need to slow the speed down a bit, DO IT. But KEEP PUSHING. Don't think about tomorrow, don't think about next week. It's in this moment, this day, this meal. Wake up, put your favorite exercise clothes on, tie your shoes and DO IT. I know it's hard- oh, do I ever. Some mornings I want to cry because I can't breathe. Sometimes I cough the rest of the day because of my workout. It is HARD. But I am doing it. And I know you can, too.

The thing that has helped me the most has been the accountability groups that we as Beachbody Coaches do on Facebook. Everyday I push myself because I know that I have to own up to what I've done. Good or bad. If you are ready to start your fight, but can't do it alone, contact me. I am willing to put you in my own group, whatever you are doing to be healthy, so you can have the help and support you need.

I have an old MP3 player that I used when I was training for my half marathon. It has all of these amazing songs on it, hand picked by me, that are designed to keep one foot moving in front of the other. I was listening to those today while I ran, and one song struck me. It helped me keep moving, and gave me hope for the future. I am not who I see in the mirror, I am someone better, and tomorrow, I will be someone stronger. Because today, I won.

You can do this.

I Have an ANNOUNCEMENT!!

No, not THAT kind of announcement!

So, over the past little while that I have been doing 21 Day Fix, I have noticed a huge change. I have a lot more energy, I feel A LOT better about myself and what I am doing. My husband and I have had a lot of conversations about 21 Day Fix, shakeology, and the cost of everything. Yes, it would be a lot cheaper to just go outside and run. It's free. However, I haven't been going outside to run, and no matter how awful I felt, I wouldn't ever. It's hard to run in a public place and feel like people are staring at me. So, working out at home has been an amazing thing. My husband told me that if it was something that I would do, and if it made me feel better and happy, he'd be willing to let me keep it up. So, I have, and have decided to take it one step further! This week I signed up as a Beachbody Coach! I don't want to be that salesperson on Facebook, this is something that I have done for me. However, if anyone else wants to learn a little bit about what I have learned,  I would definitely be willing to share.

One of the biggest reasons I love the Beachbody program is the accountability. The groups I have been in have helped me a lot as well. I wasn't/am not the best at posting about what I am doing, however, when I see the notification on my phone, I remember that I need to work out. So, here is your chance. Let me know if you are interested in starting a group to get healthier!

I Bought a Treadmill

So, a few years ago, when I returned from serving my LDS mission in Tennessee, I was overweight. About where I am now, again. My weight loss journey started with not eating any sugar, then I tried the Medifast diet for a few weeks, and then I started running every single day. Once, I was even training for a half marathon. It feels like I am a completely different person, in a completely different time, although it was only two years ago. I have always had a love/hate relationship with running. I remember the first time thatI had to run a mile at school. I was in 6th grade, and afterwards, my friend and I started to write our wills. Since then, I have discovered that I have asthma, and when I run, I feel like I am breathing through a straw, so to be able to run even a mile without stopping to walk is a ginormous feat. Now, it feels like my best friend.

Yesterday, as I was wasting time on Facebook, I saw that there was a treadmill for sale on our community yard sale page. I had to go to class, but I sent my husband to get it that evening, and now it's sitting in my bedroom. Staring at me. I haven't really ran since we got married - it's a million degrees outside, and the treadmills they have at the high school to run on are broken. So, this was an amazing gift for me. I am excited to put some miles on it!

I love the journey that I am on. I recently just finished a job working as a education assistant at a juvenile detention facility. I heard "This is too hard!" often. I would tell the students that I didn't care if they learned math, science, or even learned how to diagram a sentence, if they could learn that they are capable of doing hard (good) things,  they would be successful. I need to apply my own advice. Weight loss is not easy. Waking up every morning and making the decisions to eat healthy and exercise can be extremely hard. But I can do hard things. YOU can do hard things! Because it makes you stronger, physically and mentally.

We got this.

Getting Over "Being Fat"

I had a thought yesterday - what if I never loose the weight? Can I be happy with myself?  Part of having PCOS, for me, makes it extremely impossible difficult to loose weight. I had a conversation with my husband about how I am seriously addicted to food. I grew up in a very large family (18 kids), and although we never went to bed starving, there were few times that we had, what I call, "good food". I got my fair share of corn flakes and powdered milk. I still, to this very day, refuse to drink powdered milk. Whenever something good would come into our home - marshmallow cereal for example, it would be gone that very day. We could not share it with anyone else, we had to have as much of it as we could. I would probably call myself a food hoarder now. I just love having "good" food around. And that doesn't always mean that it is good-healthy food, either. I have a hard time eating no sugar, or passing up a white roll. And it is especially hard when I don't see any results, even after weeks of exercise and trying to eat healthy. I get discouraged and give up. I try and keep in the back of my mind, however, that I have done this once. I can do it again. Right?

I need help. I need accountability. I need YOU to share any ideas, hope, advice, or love that can help me get through this. Even if it's telling me to quit body shaming myself, to stop feeling so embarrassed whenever I go out in public. I feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it, usually, but this time, I really have doubts. Can you help me?

Getting Back Up

Okay, so here is part two of my posting today.

I decided to go through my Insulite Labs booklet they gave me from when I first started the system and reminded myself about some of the simple things I can do to get started again.

I am glad I did because there were things in it that I had forgotten. In it, it talks a lot about insulin resistance and why it is so hard to lose weight and so easy to gain. Basically if you have insulin resistance, your cells don't have enough insulin receptors to properly utilize glucose. So the glucose is essentially floating around and getting stored as extra body fat. Add a high carbohydrate/sugar diet that most of us probably have, means more and more is being stored. It also talks about how our brains are really sensitive to food stimuli and that eating can easily become something we do to dull pain and to create comfort (releasing serotonin) which creates a circuit in your brain to repeat the same action again and again that can lead to not only a habit but also an addiction thereby increasing the problem of weight gain and insulin resistance. Hopefully you got that in, that was a long sentence.

So this is where nutrition and supplements come in and why they came up with their formula to help alleviate the symptoms of PCOS and insulin resistance and to change patterns of behavior slowly to prevent a really bad rebound. (Like what I did.. haha) The pills will help your body get the nutrients it has been lacking to repair the dis-functioning cells and to get back in the healthy egg making business. I love that this is what the company stands for. Using vitamins and nutrients instead of synthetic weird substances that do the work so the body doesn't have to. But I don't need to get into that. :)

Then it goes on to explain good food sources for PCOS, and basically it is high quality protein, low carb, lots of green veggies, and good fats. I'll post about that here. Then to add in exercise, and doing things that create a sense of belonging and service to others to combat the addiction part.

You guys, after reading through it I could practically feel my body screaming for that kind of food and lifestyle. The other thing that I just want to say as the final word in this post is that these changes will not come easy. I am not going to quit sugar or carbs cold turkey. But I do need to gradually eat less and less of them until it is under control. One of the things it suggested is to look at you plate for what you eat now and then gradually replace the carbs with more veggies, like this:

Seems so much more simple when you look at it like that right!? I thought so. 

So, today I feel motivated to get on some sort of track. Maybe not a path of perfection, but a path of slow easy does it kind of path. I am just gonna try to put more green veggies on my plate. :)

Read about what foods the Insulite Labs recommends here.

Help, I've fallen!

Oh hey guys... Is anyone still here?

Well I wouldn't blame you if you weren't. I haven't exactly been on top of maintaining this or my health as of late. I am going to give you first a rundown update. I am usually one who really tries to stay positive, or at least look positive, even or most especially when I am feeling negative. But I feel like I need to be real and honest.

I just can not seem to pull myself together to stay on track. it is basically the story of my life. See, I have this tendency to make plans, have it all laid out, I'll even do some prep work, and maybe do real good for a few days and then WHABAM! 9 months fly by and I am sitting here eating pizza being lazy and unproductive. Granted, I did take on a full time job and am still in school part time, so I am busy. The truth is, when I am not busy and have a few moments to myself, the last thing I want to do is go have a workout or do some meal prep or planning. Everything is on the go, what is convenient, and what feels good after a long stressful day. I haven't taken my Insulite labs pills, they are sitting in my cupboard begging my ovaries to give them another chance. I hadn't had my period in probably about 5 months and just had it about a month ago. I think I've gained about 10-15 more pounds, I feel more stressed about life and work, I am tired, I criticize myself too much, and I have not done very much at all in the way of doing better. I am not doing good folks, not doing good at all.

On top of it, I am disappointed in myself for not sticking to it, for not being persistent, and for not getting back on track quicker than 9 months later. The thing that makes me crazy is that I KNOW what to do. I KNOW the nutritional science behind what is happening. I KNOW what I am doing is not helping. I KNOW the benefits of exercise and eating right. I KNOW if I just did it, that it would work. I am not sure why I hold myself back. Its almost like something in me does not want to go forward. I don't think I am afraid of success, but I do think I am afraid of the extra responsibilities and afraid of the pain or unknown changes that I'll have to deal with. I am way too uncomfortably comfortable where I am. I like pizza and cheese and ice cream. I like sitting on the couch and being mindless for a few hours. But I also hate it.

Whew. So there you have it. One more experience of failing and letting myself down.

But it is not the end. I still have some fight in me. There is still hope. The thing is, I can't do it on my own. I could really use some support, your support, whoever is still reading this. In a demanding sort of way, I need you to consistently tell me I can do it and give me praises when I have little victories. I feel like on the inside of me, I should be able to do it on my own. Show myself I've got power and discipline and that there is no backing down or no excuse that is valid enough to make me quit. Someday I might be able to get there, but right now I need you.

Lead into next post ---> Getting Back up

Starting Over

I have been kicking myself for the last year. I have known better, and still I have let myself gain weight. I can make excuses - I have a sit down job, I commute almost 2 hours every day, I am in graduate school and have to keep myself awake in my late classes somehow, and it's hard to fit exercise in. I ended up purchasing the 21 day Fix program, and I did really great for the first week and a few days. Then my drive failed, and life got busy, and I kept finding excuses to put it off. No matter how determined I feel, it gets hard. When the scale doesn't budge, or there are cupcakes on my counter. When squeezing in a work out takes more effort than actually doing the workout, it gets hard. I continually need to recommit myself, over and over. I continually need to remember that I have done this before. I remember how hard it was, but I also remember how great it was when I achieved success in weight loss. I can do this again. You can do this. Can we do it together?