Help, I've fallen!

Oh hey guys... Is anyone still here?

Well I wouldn't blame you if you weren't. I haven't exactly been on top of maintaining this or my health as of late. I am going to give you first a rundown update. I am usually one who really tries to stay positive, or at least look positive, even or most especially when I am feeling negative. But I feel like I need to be real and honest.

I just can not seem to pull myself together to stay on track. it is basically the story of my life. See, I have this tendency to make plans, have it all laid out, I'll even do some prep work, and maybe do real good for a few days and then WHABAM! 9 months fly by and I am sitting here eating pizza being lazy and unproductive. Granted, I did take on a full time job and am still in school part time, so I am busy. The truth is, when I am not busy and have a few moments to myself, the last thing I want to do is go have a workout or do some meal prep or planning. Everything is on the go, what is convenient, and what feels good after a long stressful day. I haven't taken my Insulite labs pills, they are sitting in my cupboard begging my ovaries to give them another chance. I hadn't had my period in probably about 5 months and just had it about a month ago. I think I've gained about 10-15 more pounds, I feel more stressed about life and work, I am tired, I criticize myself too much, and I have not done very much at all in the way of doing better. I am not doing good folks, not doing good at all.

On top of it, I am disappointed in myself for not sticking to it, for not being persistent, and for not getting back on track quicker than 9 months later. The thing that makes me crazy is that I KNOW what to do. I KNOW the nutritional science behind what is happening. I KNOW what I am doing is not helping. I KNOW the benefits of exercise and eating right. I KNOW if I just did it, that it would work. I am not sure why I hold myself back. Its almost like something in me does not want to go forward. I don't think I am afraid of success, but I do think I am afraid of the extra responsibilities and afraid of the pain or unknown changes that I'll have to deal with. I am way too uncomfortably comfortable where I am. I like pizza and cheese and ice cream. I like sitting on the couch and being mindless for a few hours. But I also hate it.

Whew. So there you have it. One more experience of failing and letting myself down.

But it is not the end. I still have some fight in me. There is still hope. The thing is, I can't do it on my own. I could really use some support, your support, whoever is still reading this. In a demanding sort of way, I need you to consistently tell me I can do it and give me praises when I have little victories. I feel like on the inside of me, I should be able to do it on my own. Show myself I've got power and discipline and that there is no backing down or no excuse that is valid enough to make me quit. Someday I might be able to get there, but right now I need you.

Lead into next post ---> Getting Back up

Discombobulated and stuff.

Ok so I have another update. Well, kind of. It's been a crazy last few months for my health and life in general.

I told you last time that I had been waiting for my next shipment of Insulite Labs PCOS system for about 2 months. I finally got it! Both of them. So the good news is I am set for at least the next two months. I hadn't had my period in those two months of waiting (the last time was near the end of February). I have been taking the vitamins inconsistently (between having some sort of intestinal issues) for two weeks. Well, even after not being consistent with them my menstrual cycle just showed up again today! Whether it is a mental thing, the vitamins, or just my body deciding to randomly be normal for a minute I am not sure. But it's a good sign, I think.

I have begun to wonder if I have a slight dairy intolerance and if it ties into PCOS somehow. In the last 2 months I have had some sort of an intestinal flare up where it is tender to touch on the left lower side of my pelvic area. Looking at pictures of anatomy, it seems the spot is in the sigmoid colon where it curves on the bottom. The doctor I went to seemed to think it was either IBS or a UTI but its also a possibility it could have been my ovary. From my own "gut" instinct (haha..) though I felt like it was most definitely in my intestine. Each time it lasts anywhere between 3-4 days with atleast 2 days of super uncomfortable crampy-like pain and then some sharp pains that last a few seconds on occassion.

Here is something interesting though, that I just kind of noticed.
End of February - Menstrual Cycle
March 1 - Intestinal Flare up
End of March - Missed Period
Beginning of April - Intestinal flare up
Mid April - Intestinal flare up is back
End of April - Menstrual Cycle

Hmm. It makes me curious if these two things are somehow connected. I dunno, but I think I will start keeping better track of when these things all happen. Hopefully since I have two months worth of the vitamins I will be able to see more of a pattern.

Anyway. I feel a little like this is all discombobulated and all over the place with information, but it is what it is right now, ha!

*Update on the menstrual cycle: This cycle lasted longer and was heavier than what I have had for the last year or so. It lasted 6 1/2 days this time.

Maintaining

Hello there! Back from the dead - or at least the non-blogging world. But I have a REALLY good excuse! I got married last weekend! Wahoo!! Most amazing, happy, stressful time of my life! And let me tell you, concentrating on what I was eating and doing exercise was not at the top of my to do lists on any day. You know the LGN diet? Yeah... Didn't have time. The good news is, I have learned some things, and I have a long way to go before I can get back to where I was. Good thing y'all will be here for that journey, and to help keep me on track. (Hopefully someone, somewhere, is reading this and will help me feel accountable.....)
Things I have learned about myself:

• If I don't have a goal, nothing will get done. 
• I have to make it a priority to eat right and exercise
• I stress eat. A lot. 
• I feel crappy when I don't eat healthy. Crappy being exhausted, tired, crabby, etc. 
• Once you fall off the bandwagon, it's hard to jump back on. (see an earlier post from Crystal here.)
• I love being married, and I want to be healthier and happier for my new husband!

I don't think anything I learned is something that is quite new, just reminders about who I am, and how I want to do things. So, here are my goals:

• Start eating healthy again.
• Start exercising regularly again.
• Find positive self affirmations that will help me feel better about myself.

Not-health-related-goals:

• Find something nice to do for my husband everyday
• Never speak badly about anyone - including those I love the most. 

So, there we go. I started a new life, and now I have new goals. Here's to achieving them!